Employee Incentive
by Mako Headrush
Summary: Reno goes to work one morning to find something missing, and his co-workers acting very strangely. What is going on in the Turks' office? Humorous one-shot, Reno/Rude friendship. Rated T for some language.


**Summary: Reno goes into work one morning and finds that something is missing. One-shot, rated T for some language - mostly Reno's.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own them, wish I did. This is written for fun, and not profit.**

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Still exhausted and bleary-eyed from the previous night's debauchery, Reno's focus as he made his way into work that morning was on but one thing - the elixir of life, that rejuvenating liquid that sloshed freely in the stainless steel coffee mug the Turk carried with him everywhere.

"Ahh," Reno sighed, closing his eyes and breathing in the heady aroma, taking another healthy swig before heading into the Turks' office. Practically on autopilot as he was every morning when reporting for duty, Reno opened the door and blindly placed his coffee on his desk while hanging his jacket on a wall hook. He heard a soft "thud", and looked in horror as his coffee mug hit the ground, brown liquid leaking out onto the industrial gray office carpeting. Reno gaped. His desk was no longer there; four impressions were in the rug, that corresponded to the legs of his desk, along with a telltale set of wheel-marks from his rolling office chair.

"What the FUCK is this shit!" Reno screeched, attracting the attention of his fellow Turks, Rude and Elena, already seated at their own desks in the shared office. "Rude. Elena. Where is my desk? Rude - _did you do this_?" Reno said accusingly, thinking his partner might be trying to out-prank him for the last stunt he'd pulled.

Rude raised an eyebrow and gave Reno a bit of a glare. "No," he replied calmly. "I had nothing to do with it. Go talk to the boss-man, he's waiting to see you."

"Tseng did this?" Reno asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Why would he take away my desk?"

"We can neither confirm nor deny anything, Reno," Elena said coolly, looking up from her laptop. "You'd better go. The Director has been waiting on you, and you're late."

"I'm always late," Reno retorted. "Tseng knows that. That's why my clocks are all set ten minutes ahead at home, I _have_ been getting better at getting here earlier."

"But you're still late," Rude argued. "Besides, how will having all your clocks set to the wrong time make you any faster in the morning?" he asked, bemused.

"Because, it'll make me think it's later than it actually _is_," Reno returned, rolling his eyes. "Duh."

"And how many times did you hit the snooze button today, Reno?" Elena asked mischievously, exchanging a smirk with Rude.

"Uh..." Reno began, scratching his head. _Five? Ten? Twelve? Or...maybe twenty. Hell if I know_. "I...forgot." He shook his head, and frowned at Rude and Elena. "You two ganging up on me now? What the hell, man. I thought we were all friends."

"We _are_ your friends, Reno," Rude told him. "We just know how you are. You're sort of...predictable," he added with a soft chuckle.

"And how is that, huh?" Reno snapped, stooping down to pick up his coffee mug, peering into it. "Thank gods, it didn't all spill out," he muttered.

"Reno, we love you," Elena said soothingly, trying to smooth Reno's ruffled feathers. "It's just - well, you really need to see Tseng. Like, now. He's been waiting."

"I know," Reno replied, taking another swig of coffee. "You fucking _told_ me already, Laney." He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and grunted. "Okay, _fine_. I'm going in." With only the slightest bit of trepidation, Reno headed down the short hallway toward Tseng's office, the mahogany door was shut. There was no brass nameplate on the door stating whose office it was; everyone knew. This was where the leader of the Turks resided. Almost literally, Tseng was most certainly a workaholic, staying well past the time he'd dismiss the other Turks to send them on home.

Reno still felt a slight twinge of intimidation, even after working with Tseng all these years. Reno was a good Turk, one of the best profilers Shinra had ever seen, and Tseng knew it. Yet Reno would be the first to admit he wasn't always one to colour within the lines; he did things his own way, which often was decidedly _not_ Tseng's way of doing things - _mostly_ by the book, methodical, neat and orderly. Just like the quiet Wutaiian himself.

"Sir?" Reno announced himself as he knocked on the door, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. Reno of the Turks was not easily intimidated by anyone, but Tseng managed to do so, and without ever raising his voice.

"Come in, Reno," came the even-toned voice from within. It was never raised, that voice; not even when Tseng was torturing a suspect for information. Just that quiet and deadly calm voice - it was just the thing that disarmed people most of the time, the fact that Tseng did _not_ react in an overly emotional manner, the way that Reno often did. Reno almost wished that Tseng would yell at him, just _once_, so he could know when he'd screwed up.

"Have a seat," Tseng said as Reno entered. The redhead simply nodded wordlessly, and took the chair facing Tseng. The Director folded his hands under his chin as he sat back in his chair, studying Reno intently.

"So, what's this about, sir?" Reno asked, unable to contain himself to silence for more than a nanosecond. "And, uh...my desk? Is gone. Did I do something wrong?" he asked, a pinprick of fear in his heart. Really, wouldn't Tseng have told him if there was a problem with his performance instead of just taking away his _furniture_? "I don't even have a chair anymore," he blurted. It was beginning to upset Reno more than he wanted to admit. What was going on?

"Well, Reno," Tseng said slowly, leaning forward in his chair. He folded his hands symmetrically, and steepled his fingers, placing them against his lips thoughtfully. "Hmm. Well, how shall I put this?"

"Oh, just spit it _out_, yo," Reno said impatiently, groaning. "What is it, Tseng, am I _fired_? For being late? Laney said I was late - "

"You are _always_ late, Reno," Tseng interrupted him, holding back a smirk. "That is not what this is about. Though admittedly, I saw no need for you to have a desk and chair anymore. It's not as if you ever complete your reports in a timely manner, if at all."

"Yes I do! Wait - I have notes - here, wait a minute, " Reno babbled, flustered, reaching into his pants pocket. He extracted a wadded up pile of post-it notes with various scrawlings on them. "Here!" he said triumphantly, depositing the crumpled papers on Tseng's desk blotter. "My notes from the last mission."

"Thank you..." Tseng murmured, feigning appreciation. He poked at the pile of papers with his pen, and smiled. "I..will see what I can do with this. Anyway, as to why I called you in here," the Director said, gesturing at the door. "Come with me," Tseng invited him, standing to his feet. He opened the door and ushered Reno out.

_Shit_! Reno thought frantically. _This is not good. That's it, Tseng's showing me the door, gonna make me clean out my desk - Wait, I don't HAVE a fucking desk anymore._ _Never mind_. "Oh, I get it now," Reno said sullenly. "You're not firing me for being late all the time, but for some other reason. I swear, it wasn't me who pissed in the ficus on the first floor, it was that dude who delivers sandwiches - "

"Ficus?" Tseng echoed shaking his head. "I suspect I do not want to know about it." He smirked at Reno. I'm not _firing_ you, Reno" Tseng said calmly, giving Reno an amused look. "Just...come with me, will you?"

Head down, sullenly shoving his hands in his pockets, Reno dutifully followed Tseng down the hallway, feeling very much like a man heading to the gallows. Elena jabbed Rude with her elbow, stifling a giggle as Reno strode by, expression somber as anything.

"Quit it, Elena," Rude growled, once Reno was past them and beyond earshot. "Don't get us caught."

"He really has no idea, does he?" Elena whispered, eyes twinkling mischievously. Rude gave her a smirk in return.

"Yeah, I don't think Reno has a clue what's coming," Rude let out a low chuckle. "This will be good."

Reno followed Tseng past Rude and Elena down a long corridor that led to an office much like Tseng's, the door slightly ajar. Tseng opened the door fully, and motioned for Reno to enter. "After you," the Wutaiian said politely.

Reno's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Why was Tseng being so nice all of a sudden? He was starting to suspect that he was being punked by his co-workers.

As it would turn out, Reno didn't know the half of it. "What's all this about?" Reno said, frowning, as he looked around. His eyebrows raised at he gazed over the desk and chair within the fairly spacious office. "Hey! That's _my_ desk and chair! What are they doing in this room here? Look, those are the coffee stains on my blotter," Reno pointed out the circular brown patterns of telltale coffee mug rings on Reno's desk blotter and calendar.

"Congratulations, Reno," Tseng said, extending his hand to shake Reno's.

"Congratulations...for what?" Reno said in disbelief, mouth hanging open as he shook Tseng's hand. "Seriously, Tseng. You're killing me with the suspense here."

"You've been promoted to Second," Tseng replied, smiling. "And again, congratulations. It is an advancement well earned." Suddenly, Rude and Elena flanked Tseng's sides, both grinning at Reno. Tseng smirked at both of his Turks before continuing. "Your fellow Turks helped to move your desk into your new office, Reno."

Reno grinned, then gave a mock glare to both Rude and Elena. "Seriously, guys? You let me go on thinking I was _fired_ or something?"

Elena giggled. "I'm sorry, Reno. It was Rude's idea, really." Now Reno was truly surprised.

"Rude!" Reno snickered in spite of himself. "Good one, partner. But hey, I thought we were friends, yo."

"We are," Rude said firmly, chuckling. "You made that too easy, though. Congrats, partner. You deserve it."

"Hmpf," Reno muttered, then smiled. "Thanks, man," he said, shaking Rude's hand and slapping him on the back. "Hey...wait. If I'm second, that means I'm your supervisor now, both of you!" Reno began laughing hysterically, while Tseng sighed and shook his head.

"Shit," Rude muttered, as Reno took a seat in his new office, propping his feet up on his desk. "Elena...we are _definitely_ screwed now."

"Ruuuuuuude!" Reno called from his office, his voice echoing down the corridor. "Need some more coffee made, yo. My mug's empty, and that ain't cool. Hey, and while you're up, can ya get me another donut, man? I'm starvin'!" Reno laughed as Rude glared at him, shaking his head. Oh, Reno was going to have some fun with _this_.


End file.
